I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
