naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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