omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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