We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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