i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
