I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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