i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
