you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
