Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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