How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
