If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
