it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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