its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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