the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
