Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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