so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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