She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
