yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
