I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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