Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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