some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
