Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
