hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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