some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
