I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
