Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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