The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
