that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
