I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
