On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
