i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.