And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
