Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
