No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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