I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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