i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
