If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
