My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
