Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
