Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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