He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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