Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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