I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
