i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
