They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to make out with him forever
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
