considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
