did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
