Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
