we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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