my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
