i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize