Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
