I didn't shave. On purpose
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
