The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
