I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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