dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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