i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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