it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
