someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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