I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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