just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
