Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
