I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
