The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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