that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
