Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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