wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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