Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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