I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
