I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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