Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
