I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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