Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
