Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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