dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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