I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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