He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
