I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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