i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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